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Isn't life already hard enough? Especially for
a pubescent teenager who does not yet have a fully developed brain? Having to
navigate the minefield of social circles, extracurricular activities, and the
opposite sex? This is, unfortunately, the norm, not the exception to any
rule. And as the adults in the room, we honestly can't help all that much. We
went through this process 15, 25, 30 years ago. Before the advent of the
Internet. Cell phones with cameras. Social media. And we haven't even
gotten to school yet!
Successful students, or more correctly,
successful teenagers have to balance all these plates, spinning wildly above
their heads. The thing about spinning plates though is that they always fall,
and never when you expect it. Successful students cannot possibly balance
everything. This is where a successful parent comes in.
The successful student falls. The
successful student fails. The successful student is not perfect.
This is why your student may already feel defeated. They are
expected to have perfect grades, have perfect relationships, play sports
perfectly, and have the perfect amount of self-esteem. Could you do that?
How about learning to change thought patterns
between classes like English Language Arts and Mathematics, where only critical
thinking is truly valued in one and only linear, process-oriented thinking in
the other?
Maybe you can start to remember your own
experiences in school in a different, not so rose-colored light.
So what can you do? How can you help? Why is this so hard? And why are there dirty clothes and dishes all
over the place?
Successful students need a little thing called
structure. And yes, I know, this isn’t
rocket surgery or Earth shattering news.
Like every skill, sometimes a little refining is needed.
No, students do not need every moment of their
lives scheduled. They do need to sit and
get lost in their own heads from time to time.
Thirty minutes here, thirty minutes there. They also need to sleep. A whole lot.
Like an infant, a lot. Their
brains and bodies are undergoing massive physical and chemical changes. It is hard work being a teenager and that is
only the part that includes staying alive!
This is what I mean by structure. A regular, loose calendar of the activities
of the day. Monday through Friday are
the easy ones. Wake up at the same time
every day. Take a shower (yes, they will
have to be told to do it). Dress
appropriately. No, those sweatpants or
yoga pants are not school appropriate.
Eat. The brain needs fuel. Go to school.
Take notes. No, you really cannot
remember everything the teacher said.
No, you are not like Sheldon Cooper.
Come home after school. Take a
nap. Wake up and do your chores. Work on your homework. If you don’t understand something, come to
me. I may not know either, but I have
access to resources that you may not know exist. Go to bed at the same time every night. No, leave your phone out here. Tablet, too.
This is structure. It’s not really about
times, dates, goals, achievements, or anything like that. It’s about a process. A repeatable process. A process with choices. And if things are missed, so be it. But there
are consequences. Go to bed late, get up
tired. Don’t take a shower, your friends
will say you smell. Don’t dress
appropriately, you will probably miss out on class. Don’t eat, lose focus in class. Don’t take notes, something your teacher said
will probably be on the test at the end of next week. Don’t do your chores, do them during the
weekend. Don’t do your homework, your
grades will suffer and you will make it up over the weekend. And by the way, straight A’s only mean one of
two things. A) The classes are too easy
or B) Other plates are falling. Rarely
can or should a student maintain a 4.0 GPA.
And that’s ok. If you focus on
raising a well-rounded person who can follow processes and can self-impose
structure, the rest takes care of itself.
The mindset of a successful student is one
where they don’t have to worry about getting it all done.
